A Mother’s Heart

I’ve always been a Daddy’s girl at heart. When I was sixteen, I purchased a cheesy “Daddy’s Girl” license plate to go on the front of my red Mustang. Before Justin, my dad was the apple of my eye and he has since reclaimed that title in many ways. I’ve mentioned my dad quite a few times in my blog entries. Written of his selfless acts and what an amazing male figure he’s been in mine and Jax’s life. However, the person I mention quite often only in passing, tends to hideout on the sidelines.

 

She’s been a beacon of hope in the darkest times and the best gal pal in the world. She’s traveled countless miles to keep Jax for me while I performed and even sacrificed three weeks in Alaska. She’s washed my clothes, bought my groceries, rubbed my feet, and fed my dog. She even ditched her husband to sleep in bed with me (for over six months) after Justin passed. She’s one of the most selfless individuals and doesn’t even realize it. Who could this mystery woman be? Mom, who else!!!!  

 

A lot of us have great moms in this world, but I’m ready to argue that I have the greatest!! I can promise that no matter how outstanding you say your mother is, mine is more worthy!! Okay, I’ll take that back! I can only speak for myself, but I’m sure a lot of you feel this way about your moms. So why don’t I just let this entry be for all of the wonderful/selfless moms out there. They are the ones who sacrifice for us without thinking twice. This one’s for you!!

 

My mother has always been a beauty. She was Homecoming Queen, Prom Queen, Key Club Sweetheart, and snagged just about any crown up for grabs. But by no means is any of this what makes her so special! I grew up with her accomplishments following me from the time I knew what the word “pretty” meant. My mom was freaking Marcia Brady from The Brady Bunch, and I felt inferior. As time went on, I soon realized why she won so many coveted titles and crowns. Sure, she was a tan, leggy blonde with a killer smile (who could pick a guitar and sing) but there was something else about her that ultimately set her apart from the rest. Her soul!

 

While going through adolescence, I remember feeling a great amount of hatred for my mother. At that age, I’m quite sure this is the norm! She forced me to go to church instead of letting me go to the movies with my friends. She made me tone down my makeup and put on more clothes. She wouldn’t let me ride in the car with my older boyfriend, Justin.  She even grounded me during the MTV Spring Break extravaganza for lying to her about skipping class. WHAT A WRETCHED WINCH!!! At least, that’s what I thought at the time. Little did I know, she was just being a “good” mother. In fact, these strict guidelines helped mold me into the person I am today. If it wasn’t for her forcing me to attend church, then I would not have met Justin. I’m pretty sure he was handpicked by mom and he was always the one thing she knew she had steered me right on. “I never have to worry about you with him,” she’d say. “He’s one of the good ones.” And BOY was she right! Thanks Mom!!!

 

Being a mom myself, I now think of my own mom in a much different light. Cleaning Jax’s poop out of the tub, chasing him around all day, and rocking him for two plus hours are all in a day’s work. And even though it’s a hard day’s work, it still makes the grade of success! So what if he has smashed Cheerios in his hair and has snot seeping from his nose? He’s alive, fed, clean, and even smiling!

 

All moms have the most important job in the world and I hope to be as good at it as my mom. My mother is without a doubt the kindest person I know and would literally give her right arm to a stranger. So just imagine what she would do for her nearest and dearest. That’s pretty much what she did for over 12 months of mine and Jax’s life after we lost Justin. I didn’t have to think of anything I needed or wanted because she already had it covered. A woman of MANY MANY words had never spoken so few. I can remember the moment she rushed into my room after Justin was gone. The look of desperation on her face said it all to me. I knew from the second my mother jolted into my room that life would never be the same. My mom was looking at her little girl in the absolute worst pain of her life and there was nothing she could do to make it better.

 

Today I still can’t imagine going through life after Justin without her and I know that I am a better person with her by my side. We are a team and she makes challenges and obstacles in my life a little easier to manage. She gave me strength when I had none left, love when I thought it was gone, and hope for what I needed to see in my future. To call someone purely selfless is usually a false statement but I have to give it up for Sandy Hinson. Never once do I ever think she has taken a moment of her day and not thought about “other’s” needs over her’s. For that, I am proud to say she is my best friend, worst enemy, sister, mother, and idol that I will aspire to be like as long as I live.

Love you mommy!!!!