Widowhood

I Looked My Husband’s Killer In The Eyes

Love What Matters Story on facing Justin's killer in the court room.

Photo of Jessica Ayers and Justin Ayers and Jessica Ayers and son

When a complete stranger fires a 9-millimeter semi-automatic handgun at your home and kills your husband, you tend to place blame. Five years ago, this happened to me. One second I was a new mom with a 3-day-old baby, the next I was a widow. About 20 minutes after the incident, I sat in a chair on my back porch (slightly drugged up) and stared blankly at the home where my husband’s killer was illegally squatting. I felt numb, angry, and in shock. As the police took him away, I held onto my baby while constantly shaking my head in disbelief. Had he done it on purpose or by accident? 

Click Here for the full story on...

Love What Matters logo

My Husband Was Murdered and, Now I Love Deeper Than Most

Photo of Jessica, Don, and child

Five years ago, I went through a life-altering tragedy when my husband was murdered in front of me, our 3-day-old son, and three other family members.

For a long time, the trauma left me paralyzed with depression, anxiety, and fear. For an entire year, I could barely function within society and I avoided life as much as possible. After two years, I’d fallen even deeper into a bottomless pit of despair. I battled against my grief, but somehow it still managed to control me. The second my husband died, my life became a collection of instances he was missing. He missed his son’s first steps, first Christmas, and first birthday. He missed his pre-K graduation and his fifth birthday. He will miss every moment of his son’s life. There’s no way to sugar-coat this — it’s tragic and it sucks.

Click Here to read the full article.

A Chip Off the Old Block

A photo of Justin dressed as Old Gregg and me dressed as Pretty Woman

If you’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting my son, then I’m sure you’ve noticed his vibrant personality. The older Jax gets, he gains an intense lust for life, one that he undoubtedly inherited from his father. 

Every Kid Loves Halloween

It’s no surprise that kids love Halloween. They get to dress up as their heroes, prance around their schools, attend their church fall festivals, or walk around their neighborhoods while collecting bunches of candy. It’s the one night of the year when playing make-believe is encouraged and, it’s something that some of us never grow out of. 

Staying in Character

Every October (while in our 20’s), around the third weekend of the month, my bestie (Justin Pepin) hosted a Halloween Bash that was epic. The food was extravagant, the music was pumping, and the adult beverages were always flowing.

Every year, during this annual bash, Justin Ayers became so invested in his Halloween character that occasionally, he pissed me off. Sure he was funny, but sometimes I just needed to ask him a real-life question like: “What time do you want to head home?” or “What time is the plumber coming tomorrow?” It didn’t matter which character he was playing, his response was never really a response. 

“Ha ha ha, you’re so funny Old Gregg,” I’d sarcastically grumble. The conversation would usually end with me stomping away (while dressed like Pretty Woman, or Violet Ann Bickerstaff) to try again later.

Justin’s sense of humor was always a little off-color, but he had this way about him that made people laugh, instead of making them mad. Except for this one time. There was one year in particular when his “character” almost got him beaten to a pulp.   

Justin Ayers dressed up as Tony Clifton

Tony Clifton

Tony Clifton was the rude alter ego of Andy Kaufman. He was openly crass, outspoken, and downright hurtful to people in the audience. His shtick was to publicly humiliate people in the crowd. He called fat people pigs and told women they were worthless. He was by far one of the rudest individuals I’ve ever seen up on a stage. Justin found this hilarious and took his role of playing Tony to the next level. 

If you can just imagine this: A tipsy Justin, dressed as Tony Clifton, yelling out obscenities at random drunk party goers. It was the perfect concoction of  drunk, idiotic, and down right hilarious. I can’t think of a reason why the situation got so out of control? 

Before Justin had a chance to fire off his next one-liner, six 20-year-old dudes were holding back a pretty pissed off penguin from punching him in the face.  

Did I mention that everyone was in costumes? I think there was a hotdog, a pirate, and maybe even a Frankenstein all holding back a penguin from my character committed husband.  

This was the only time I EVER saw him break character!  

I've Got a Snake in My Boots

Mom dressed as Jessie from Toy Story and son dressed as Woody

Every Halloween since Justin died has been bittersweet. At first, it was too hard to face. But now, the older Jax gets, the more I can see his father’s personality bursting out of him.

Last year, I was beyond thrilled, to see Justin come back to life. It was no surprise that it came in form of his 4-year-old son, dressed as Woody. Jax happily pranced around, from house to house, quoting lines from Toy Story in his adorable little squeaky voice. I smiled with both joy and a little bit of sadness, knowing how proud his father was in that moment. Even if he wasn’t physically there to coach him through the night—he was there. the singing widow blog logo

HoneyNine.com Story

My wedding day: 'I wore my rings from my marriage to my late husband'

When Jessica Ayers was preparing to marry her husband, Don Hogg, she had a rather unusual request.

“I said, ‘How would you feel if I wore my wedding rings to Justin on my other hand on the wedding day?’,” Ayers told 9Honey.

Justin – Jessica’s first husband – had died four years before.

“Justin was my first love, I was with him since I was 14,” Ayers explains. “And Don’s very supportive of that.

“I was worried he was going to be mad about it, but he said, ‘I think that’s a great idea – that’s very sentimental’.

For the rest of the story, click here

Love What Matters—I Love Both of My Rings, Decades Apart

“For my September wedding last year, I did something atypical. I put on not one, but two sets of wedding rings—one on my right hand (from my first marriage) and one on my left. In case you might think I’m some sort of psycho who is still in love with her first husband, you could be right. But let me back up a bit because it isn’t what you might think. It’s not like my first husband is happily remarried with kids or living a scandalous bachelor life. I’m not holding on to some hope of us getting back together one day. Why? Because I didn’t actually take our wedding rings off by choice—I took them off because he died.

For the Full Story, Click Here