After someone dies, everyone pretends like they were perfect. The dead can’t defend themselves so we should not speak ill of them. Justin’s death was so tragic that this notion is amplified. His spirit will always be larger than life.
Does he deserve the praise?
I’ve got a lot of good Justin stories, probably more than anybody. I saw him at his best and his worst. I was one of the rare people that he was his true authentic self around.
My darling husband wasn’t a god, and he certainly made plenty of mistakes. But I have to say — he sure as hell made up for them in spades. In honor of what should be his big 4.0.
I’d like to remind others to be more like Justin.
He called his mother every single day
That’s right boys, take some advice from the man with long red hair. He sure the heck loved his mom. He had a routine. After he finished teaching guitar lessons for the day, he’d give mom a call on his way home. He didn’t call me, he called her.
He wasn’t a mommas boy, but he sure loved his momma.
Vicki and Justin had a special relationship. I think it was a little more unique than most mother-son relationships. I hope my relationship with Jax will mimic theirs. Maybe one day he’ll show me the respect that Justin showed Vicki. I hope he will take after his daddy and CALL HIS MOMMA.
He was kind to everyone
Justin’s heart was kind. He had a way of making everyone feel included, especially if you were an outsider.
Over the 17 years that I knew him, I learned a lot. He opened my eyes to the bigger picture and helped me understand how much power we have as humans.
Surprise, surprise, we have a lot!
Justin was nice to homeless people. Not the kind you see on the street, but the ones that came into his music store. He offered them water and a place to use the bathroom. He smiled at them and asked them how their day was. Most of all, he listened.
Justin was nice to the unpopular. He wasn’t a trendy guy. In fact, if something or someone was on-trend, Justin shunned it. This meant that status meant nothing to him. He didn’t care how much money you had or how well-known you were, he treated everyone as equal.
He was forgiving
Once upon a time, someone might have called me competitive. I get this from my father’s side, it’s not my fault.
Justin witnessed this trait of mine early in our relationship. When we were teens, he beat me at Monopoly. I’m pretty sure I blacked out because I don’t remember tossing the entire game board at his head.
What can I say, I like Boardwalk!
Later in adulthood, he would become a victim of this ridiculous behavior again. Only this time, I wasn’t the one acting out — it was my dad.
Justin and my dad got into it, not once, but a few dozen times while playing board games and poker games. Justin had every right to be a jerk and never speak to my dad again. He could have used the arguments against me. He could have told me, “We’re never spending time with your family again.”
Not only did he forgive my dad for his childish behavior, but he was also the one to make amends. He didn’t let anger take up space in his heart. He was always ready to forgive.
And because of that, his relationship with my father was unique. They loved each other like father and son.
He was a gentleman
Justin treated this lady like a lady. Some might call this old fashioned, but I call it being a gentleman. So what if we no longer wear petticoats and girdles under our clothes. It doesn’t mean chivalry should be lost.
Justin always opened my door, and he always made me feel special. One day that meant rubbing my feet, and the next that meant fetching me Taco Bell when I was pregnant.
During labor, he never left my side, and his hand never left my forehead. For 22 hours he held a cold rag to it, and he never complained.
He would never turn his back on you
“Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.”
— J.R.R. Tolkien
Justin was loyal, almost to a default. Short of killing a family member or committing some other heinous act, he would not leave your side.
He never kept a tally of things done wrong, even if he had every right to. He never threw past transgressions in your face, even if he was justified. He was in a relationship for the long-haul and he was as loyal as loyal got.
On many occasions, I encouraged him to give up. “They treated you wrong and they should know how it feels,” I’d say.
I wanted him to stand up for himself, especially if I thought he was being taken advantage of. But I realize now that he wasn’t allowing others to use him or treat him wrongly — he was just too damn committed to walking away.
If you were one of the lucky ones, he considered you irreplaceable. He considered you essential to his life.
Happy 40th birthday to the man who cared about others first.
