Hey everybody, in case you did not know, my last name is Ayers.
No, it’s not my maiden name; it’s Justin’s last name. When I married him at 20-years-old, keeping my maiden name didn’t even seem like an option. I’m not sure why. Maybe because I was so young and I was told, “it’s tradition.”
But even without that added pressure, taking Justin’s last name was never an issue for me. I was down for it and excited to become Mrs. Ayers. Looking back, I would not change a thing. Mainly because it felt right, and Justin had a cooler last name than me. Taking Ayers felt like an upgrade.
I did not take Don's last name: Hogg
Let’s go ahead and get the controversial cat out of the bag: I did not take Don’s last name. I realize that this might sound disrespectful to some like I’m giving Justin priority over Don. But know this — it had nothing to do with Don or his last name. The only reason I decided to keep Ayers instead of Hogg was for my child.
Widow and widowerhood are not the same as divorce. They are especially not the same when offspring are involved. For 9.11 years, my last name was Ayers. The day my son was born, my last name was Ayers. The day my husband died, my last name was Ayers. For so long, I identified as “Ayers,” and losing Justin did not change anything, mainly because I had just given birth to a child with the last name: Ayers.
Understanding the situation
Long before Don proposed, we discussed getting married and what that might look like. I told him up front that I would never change my name. He shook his head and agreed, “that’s your last name, and I would never expect you to change it.” After he proposed and we started planning our wedding, we immediately realized how strange we were for not joining our identities.
These days, you need a hashtag that combines your current last name or one that will be your new last name. #Hogggettinghitched would have been good. Or, maybe, #HappyHoggs or #Hogginghappy. We thought about doing this but felt like frauds. We were not becoming a house of Hoggs. Instead, we would be two Ayers and one Hogg. Therefore, instead, we created our hashtag, #jessanddongetiton.
It's weird not sharing a last name
I’ll admit that I sometimes feel a little left out in the marriage world because I don’t share a last name with my hubby. We cant put on our Christmas cards “The Hoggs” or make a Facebook post on Easter that says: Happy Easter from The Hoggs. Instead, we say The Hogg/Ayers clan.
Some might think this is dumb and that maybe we should move forward with changing all of our names to Hogg. But Don and I both disagree. Jax is not Don’s legacy; he’s Justin’s – literally. To rob Justin of his legacy would be straight up WRONG.
Baby Hogg
During our IVF journey, Don and I have been sharing a hashtag: #babyhogg. There is a reason for that. When Don and I agreed that I would keep Ayers to match Jax, we also decided on something else: if we ever had a child together, their last name would be Hogg.
This might be odd to some: having four people in a family with two different last names. But, for the sake of legacies, we are here to normalize it. We are happy, healthy, and in love as Hogg/Ayers or Ayers/Hogg. Whichever way you want to phrase it. We can’t wait to have a second Hogg in the house. Hey, maybe that’s a good hashtag: #hogginthehouse.
